Chef Spotter: The “Solve Your Own Freakin’ Problems!” Chef
The anthesis of the “Problem Solver” Chef is the “Solve Your Own Freakin’ Problems!” Chef.
You will soon learn that you can’t hit this one the minute he or she comes in the door with a litany of problems — the delivery truck broke down, the walk-in is broken, the dishwasher called in sick.
You’ll just piss ’em off.
“Stop making excuses and get it done!”
Instead, smile like you’ve just found your lost puppy and say “Hey, chef! How are you?”
Then lie like a dog: “Yeah, great, everything’s good!”
This chef does not want to know.
Let them settle in, see the blood on the kitchen floor, smell the weeds. Unless you’ve got a complete Ostrich on your hands, the chef will figure out that there’s a problem.
Then they will assume you’ve got it completely under control.
The chef assumes that you see the same problem he or she does, and have taken the same steps he or she would have taken to address it.
You’ll want to have a solution to the problem, even if it’s the wrong solution.
It’s a good idea to have a reason for your solution, even if it’s the wrong reason: This type of chef, interestingly, will sometimes listen to alternative ideas and actually can be quite receptive to them if they make sense. If they don’t, then at least the chef can see where your thinking went “wrong,” and can offer the right solution. Without a reason for your decision/action, the chef is likely to just look at you like you’re an idiot, leaving you even more clueless.
Not good.
The SYOFP chef has an uncanny ability to make any problems you bring to him or her into your fault. Whatever the problem is, it’s your fault. Remember that before you take it to the chef.
Don’t ever, and I mean ever, tell this type of chef about a problem if you are hoping for help in coming up with a creative solution.
You won’t get it.
It will backlash so badly that your eyebrows will take months to grow back.
Question: How can you be held responsible for something over which you have no control?
Answer: Find a way.
Example: “Chef, you said you’d get the _____ I need to make the ______. Did you get it? I can’t find it.”
Don’t even ask this question.
If you needed __________ to make the __________, go get it yourself.
Turn in an expense report. Or eat the cost. Under no circumstances allow anything to stand in your way, including the chef.
Teamwork my ass: The only person you can rely on is yourself.
For more irreverent, myth-busting, un-Politically Correct commentary on life in the professional kitchen, pick a page from the list on the right.
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