Kitchen Life: What Will You Do?
If you work in the business long enough, you’ll probably have to make some ethical decisions.
You’ll see things that just aren’t right.
The most common problems are theft and improper handling of ingredients.
What are you going to do when it happens?
I worked in a place once that supplied 3 uniforms per employee per year. Extra uniforms were stored in a closet in the hall. One employee showed up in jackets that had vertical folds down the front, as if they had just been unpacked, at least once a week.
I couldn’t prove it.
The employee was let go later for unrelated issues, but she’d probably already made a killing selling chef’s uniforms on the side.
Things are stolen all the time. No matter how many security cameras and how many safeguards a company puts in place, people will find a way.
The server who “forgets” to charge a big tipper for a piece of pie is stealing as surely as the cook who takes a few rib eyes out of the walk-in on the way home.
What are you going to do?
When food that’s been out on the buffet line is “recycled,” it’s a violation of health department rules, as well as being just plain nasty. When meat is left out all night on the counter to thaw, it’s a violation of health department rules, as well as being just plain dangerous.
There is no whistleblower protection in the food business.
What will you do?
The company pretty much has to have proof on videotape before they’ll accuse an employee of theft. Even then, they’re much more likely to “encourage” the employee to leave quietly by jacking with their schedule, cutting their hours, and so on rather than to come out and accuse them of stealing. And forget prosecution. It’s not going to happen unless there’s major money involved. Even then, they’re likely to keep it quite. It’s just the cost of doing business and most businesses know it.
As to food safety issues, there will always be people who care and people who don’t care. It’s unfortunate when the people who don’t care are in charge. I have always found a way to do the right thing without getting caught, and it’s worked for me.
What will you do?
It’s Not About “Making Do”
I finally got an assistant after two years of being promised one.
Attempting to train her has been an interesting process on many levels, for reasons I didn’t anticipate.
One thing I’ve noticed is that she tries to “get by” or “make do” instead of putting out the extra effort to make things “right.”
For example: If we need 8 apple pies and we have enough apple pie filling for 7 pies, she’ll spread the filling out into all 8 pie shells rather than make more. This mindset is great during a major World War, but it isn’t great when you’ve got the ingredients, equipment, and time to make more pie filling but you’d rather go home early instead.
I used to leave her a production list for the days I wasn’t there, and I quickly noticed (1) that the pies were shallow and (2) there were a lot of things on the prep list that she “didn’t need to do” or “didn’t have time to do.” The G.M. noticed it, too.
Not good.
It’s a fundamental problem that you can’t easily explain to someone who’s lived their whole life like this.
We had a long chat about the situation. I explained that we need to have extra stuff in the freezer at all times in case something unexpected comes up. If you’re a little bit short on something, you need to make more. You need to have more, not just enough, not almost enough, but more. You need to stay a few minutes over if necessary and make sure you have plenty. You need to have some extra cakes in the freezer in case there’s a popup for a birthday cake — you can’t use all of your cakes for production. If you do, then you need to make more. If you have time at the end of the day, then you need to find something you can make ahead to try to clear your schedule so you have more flexibility.
It’s not just about doing daily production. It’s about being ready. It’s about being able to say “Yes,” but more importantly, it’s about being valuable.
Most mid-level places don’t need a pastry chef. They could get by without one. They could order frozen product and just have the kitchen thaw ‘n serve. A pastry chef is a luxury. A pastry chef serves at the pleasure of the Chef.
If you are just going to barely scrape by, if you aren’t going to put out the extra effort and justify your existence within the organization, then your days are numbered.
Nobody really needs you to just do production. They need you to do production and to do special requests, to make really fancy desserts on short notice, to have the knowledge and organizational skill to make the Chef’s dessert fantasies a reality.
You are a trick pony that the Chef wants to show off to customers and chef friends.
It’s another fundamental difference between the kitchen and the bakery.
In the kitchen, it’s the Chef who does the Chef’s table, the “Feed Me,” the true “off the menu” items. The kitchen staff is almost never involved in this other than to prep or help prep ingredients. In the bakery, it’s the Pastry Chef who performs miracles on short notice.
If you’re acting like a prep cook, then you need to go back to the kitchen.
Oooooooooooooooooooo! You’re a Chef!
Most of the time, I’m careful to ditch my chocolate and egg-smeared jacket before I head into the grocery store on the way home.
I have to shop, too.
“No can eat only cookies!”
Sometimes I’m cold, it’s windy, or I’m so tired I just don’t give a rat’s ass, I leave it on.
Most people leave me alone. One lady said “You look tired.” This was Thanksgiving evening. I said, “You’re right.” That was the extent of the conversation, and I was happy for it.
Sometimes I’m not so lucky and I’m asked all sorts of culinary questions. I can go incognito if I don’t have the jacket — nobody seems to recognize the black clogs, the chalkstripe baggy pants, and the white t-shirt, so I can generally fly under their Chef-dar.
I went to culinary school when being a “chef” was just taking off as the Next Big Thing. Now it’s insane bananas sexy. Everybody watches “Iron Chef,” Hell’s Kitchen,” “Top Chef” or (shudder), “Top Chef Just Desserts.” Some people even watch “Chopped,” I suppose.
This town is a food town, full of Slow Food people, locavores, sustainable farms, upscale “Farmer’s Market” grocery stores, farmer’s markets, Jersey cow farms, and CSAs; it’s full of chef groupies. But even people who’ve read Kitchen Confidential and The Making of a Chef, even people who’ve watched Ramsay’s “Kitchen Nightmares,” even those people don’t “get it.”
Cooking, being a chef, is physically and mentally grueling work.
It’s hot, dirty, dangerous, and stressful.
Night after night, day after day, over and over.
A friend of mine at work was standing at the tilting braising pan one day, stirring food with a large paddle. He laughed and said that when people at his church find out what he does for a living, they’re all over him like he’s a rock star. . . . and then he said “when you’re making food with a shovel, it’s not sexy.”
When you’re making food with a shovel, it’s not sexy.
Nigella Lawson, licking something off of a spoon, now that’s sexy.
Stirring 150 pounds of chili with a shovel = not sexy.
Most of what we do = not sexy.
It’s not sexy, people.
Kitchen Life: Shoemakers
You heard all the hype in culinary school — “passion, commitment, dedication, obsession” — that’s the stuff you must have to become a chef.
Then you get into the kitchen and find that, with few exceptions, it’s full of shoemakers.
Here’s part of that section in Michael Reuhlman’s blog:
To call a fellow cook a shoemaker is a not-uncommon put down in kitchens. But talent or no talent was not the point, Cruz said. Shoemaker indicated someone who didn’t care, who, in the heat of service, simply slapped food on a plate, wanting only to get the night over with, to get the food out the door and go home.
Don’t think for a minute that this is by accident: It’s typical for a kitchen to have maybe one or two people who really care about the food, and the rest of them get it done as fast as possible and call it a day.
It’s a Culinary Calf Roping.
They seem to take pride only in how quickly they can do a job, not in how quickly they can do it well.
I’ve seen this in every kitchen. I suppose the reason is that it would be too chaotic if everybody cared about the food; if everybody had an opinion about what was good and what wasn’t, if everybody had an ego. Nothing would get done.
So the Exec Chef is likely to want maybe one or two people in the kitchen who have some culinary knowledge, who will offer honest opinions when asked. The rest of the crew is just there to show up on time (more or less), peel mountains of potatoes, and to work cheap.* They have no knowledge of food, no interest in food, and no desire to learn anything other than what the Chef tells them they need to learn. It’s just a job: They might as well be working at a quick-oil change place.
Add to that the language issue, and the fact that literacy is not a requirement for a job in the kitchen, and you’ve got the makings of a head-on collision into reality.
For you.
Not for them. They all know what’s going on, including the Chef. You’re the one who’s living in a fantasy land. The sooner you wake up and smell the veal stock, the better.
A recent example: The Sous Chef came to the bakery and asked me to find an “Asian Chicken” recipe for him for the lunch entree that was on the menu. I did a search on the internet and got a list of possibilities. We looked at a few and I tried to give him the one that had bok choy, garlic, scallions, ginger, etc., but he insisted on the “Asian Chicken Salad” with radishes and ginger dressing. I told him that it wasn’t the right recipe for a hot entree and he said he wanted it anyway because it had fewer ingredients.
Shoe Chef.
*Read Fast Food Nation if you want to understand why kitchens are staffed this way.
Kitchen Life: Every Day is a New Day
There will be people in the kitchen you can’t stand.
Rest assured, they can’t stand you, either.
However, it’s important to try to start every day as a new day. Let go of whatever stupid/lazy/deceitful/awful/terrible thing they did yesterday. Every day is a new day in the kitchen, and it’s a good thing, too. Otherwise, we’d all kill each other. Repeatedly.
Every kitchen is a pressure cooker. The rattle of the pressure valve is very like the warning rattle of a rattlesnake: Coincidence? I think not.
Once the Chef screams at everybody, and everybody screams at everybody else, the pressure is relieved and things can get back to normal. They get back to normal every day.
With few exceptions, people don’t hold grudges in the kitchen. It’s like we all have the memory of a dog — about 5 minutes — plus “what have you done for me lately” plus “you’re only as good as your last meal (dessert).” Past successes (and failures) create a general background hum for you, but don’t overshadow the minute. So if you were brilliant yesterday, great. What have you done today? If you and “Bob” were at each other’s throats yesterday, that was yesterday and doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on today.
Once in a while somebody will do something you simply can’t overlook, no matter how hard you try. Whatever they did will make you wonder why the chef keeps that person around.
The answer is simple: “Bob” hasn’t done “it” to the chef or to the sous chef. He comes to work, does what he’s asked (for the most part), there’s no replacement for him on the immediate horizon, and chances are he works cheap. Grit your teeth and make sure he has what he needs from you — you don’t want to be “uncooperative” or “not a team player.” That’s worse than lying or stealing in some kitchens. Keep your good eye on him, and make sure he doesn’t get an opportunity to screw you over again. That may mean being aware of his schedule and monitoring his actions when he’s in the kitchen. When he’s there, and you’re not, you may want to think about ways to safeguard your tools and work. And it never hurts to have an ally who’s there when you’re not to help keep things under control. Don’t forget to note any issues that airse in your work log, just in case.
Be patient. Chances are “Bob” will shoot himself in the foot sooner or later, and he’ll be gone. Then some new “Bob” will show up and you’ll have to deal with it again. There’s always a “Bob.” Don’t let him undermine what you’re doing.
Kitchen Life: Never Eat Off of The Buffet
If you’ve ever worked in a place that has a buffet, you already know why.
If not, you’ll soon learn.
People are nasty.
They’ll pick something up with their fingers, then decide they don’t want it (or worse, decide they want part of it), and put it back on the platter.
Who knows how long it’s been since they washed their hands? And even it it was 15 minutes ago, would you really want to eat that half a brownie?
People are nasty. This is the reason you’re not supposed to “recycle” food that’s been served to the public, sneeze guard or no sneeze guard. Who knows where those hands have been? Tongs, you say? We don’ need no stinkin’ tongs.
By “recycle,” I mean save it and use it again. It’s a shocking thought, I know, but it happens.
More often that you’d care to imagine.
Don’t eat off of the buffet.
Anywhere.
Chef Spotter: The “Solve Your Own Freakin’ Problems!” Chef
The anthesis of the “Problem Solver” Chef is the “Solve Your Own Freakin’ Problems!” Chef.
You will soon learn that you can’t hit this one the minute he or she comes in the door with a litany of problems — the delivery truck broke down, the walk-in is broken, the dishwasher called in sick.
You’ll just piss ’em off.
“Stop making excuses and get it done!”
Instead, smile like you’ve just found your lost puppy and say “Hey, chef! How are you?”
Then lie like a dog: “Yeah, great, everything’s good!”
This chef does not want to know.
Let them settle in, see the blood on the kitchen floor, smell the weeds. Unless you’ve got a complete Ostrich on your hands, the chef will figure out that there’s a problem.
Then they will assume you’ve got it completely under control.
The chef assumes that you see the same problem he or she does, and have taken the same steps he or she would have taken to address it.
You’ll want to have a solution to the problem, even if it’s the wrong solution.
It’s a good idea to have a reason for your solution, even if it’s the wrong reason: This type of chef, interestingly, will sometimes listen to alternative ideas and actually can be quite receptive to them if they make sense. If they don’t, then at least the chef can see where your thinking went “wrong,” and can offer the right solution. Without a reason for your decision/action, the chef is likely to just look at you like you’re an idiot, leaving you even more clueless.
Not good.
The SYOFP chef has an uncanny ability to make any problems you bring to him or her into your fault. Whatever the problem is, it’s your fault. Remember that before you take it to the chef.
Don’t ever, and I mean ever, tell this type of chef about a problem if you are hoping for help in coming up with a creative solution.
You won’t get it.
It will backlash so badly that your eyebrows will take months to grow back.
Question: How can you be held responsible for something over which you have no control?
Answer: Find a way.
Example: “Chef, you said you’d get the _____ I need to make the ______. Did you get it? I can’t find it.”
Don’t even ask this question.
If you needed __________ to make the __________, go get it yourself.
Turn in an expense report. Or eat the cost. Under no circumstances allow anything to stand in your way, including the chef.
Teamwork my ass: The only person you can rely on is yourself.
For more irreverent, myth-busting, un-Politically Correct commentary on life in the professional kitchen, pick a page from the list on the right.
The Difference Between Throwing Someone the Ball and Hitting Them With It.
Another concept from Breaking into the Boardroom is that a Chef who is on your side will quite often throw you a “curve ball.” By “curve ball,” I mean an unexpected request or a sudden change of plans. He or she will quite unexpectedly ask you to make cornbread mini muffins for lunch and dinner on a day when your proverbial plate is already 125% full.
Your job, as I’ve said before, is to never say “No.”
Some reason why they would do this are:
- They need corn muffins.
- They are confident that you can juggle things and make it happen, and they enjoy having someone like you on their team. They can count on you to make their vision a reality. Not to be unflattering, but it’s like having a Thoroughbred or a Border Collie they can show off to their friends.
- And the least obvious reason — they are trying to make you more visible, more ‘wow’ factor, and more valuable to the organization. To borrow the football analogy from the book, sometimes someone throws you a ball so you can make the touchdown with it. Catch it and run like hell. Don’t stand there, let it smack you in the head, and start whining that they hit you with a ball. Recognize it for what it is — an opportunity for you to shine.
When this happens, and it will, and you are brilliant, which you will be, make sure you go back to the chef and thank them for the opportunity.
For more irreverent, myth-busting, un-Politically Correct commentary on life in the professional kitchen, pick a page from the list on the right.
Kitchen Life: Men Are Smarter Than Women
Back in the day, when I was a software engineer, I read an eye-opening book about male dominance in the workplace entitled Breaking into the Boardroom . One of the tenets of the book was that women have more of a tendency to “follow the rules” and men have more of a tendency to “follow the leader.”
And that often translates into being “smarter” on the job.
Women are often better at knowing the rules and following them than are men. Men can be less bound by rules and regulations, which is probably one reason there are so many male line cooks and so many female pastry cooks.
Not that there aren’t plenty of really good female line cooks and male pastry cooks — especially at the higher levels — but if you look at the numbers, you’ll see what I mean.
I used to have to travel every week, and often I’d be done early (or late) and would have to change my flight. I learned that male ticket agents were much more likely to bend the rules to get me home. Female ticket agents were much more likely to say “No,” or charge me a fee. Same thing in the grocery store: If an item doesn’t scan, the young male checker is more likely to say “Do you know how much this was?” and the female checker is more likely to hit the flashing red light, call for a price check, and make everybody in line wait.
It’s the same in the kitchen.
Often, there’s a difference between “the rules” and what’s important. Men are good at discerning the difference; women, not so much.
List the 5 things that are most important to your Exec Chef.
If you don’t know, it’s past time to find out.
If you do know, are you focusing on his (or her) top 5, or are you following the rules?
The flip side of this is that the Chef can make rules, but unless they’re important to him/her, they won’t be important to anybody else.
Only when something is important to the Chef does it become important to everybody else, no matter what the “rules” say.
If you’re frustrated because you’re not getting what you need from the kitchen, be it assistance, or supplies, or whatever, it’s because the Chef has not made that a priority. You can have all of the man-to-man chats you want with the staff, you can beg, you can plead, you can cajole, bribe, throw 200 pans, but you’ll never get what you need until the Chef mandates it. It’s that simple.
How to convince him (or her); that’s another topic.
Chef Spotter: The Problem Solver
Some chefs can’t wait to get to work so they can find out what the problems are, and fix them.
You’d think this would be a good thing, and it can be.
Or not.
The problem with The Problem Solver is that they don’t want you to solve your own problems, and there’s a limit to how much you can grow in a position if you are always dependent on someone else to fix things. Sometimes they see themselves as “mentors.”
It’s nice when you’re just starting out; you can alway go to Mommy or Daddy and they’ll fix it for you, or tell you how to fix it. But the PS chef has separation anxiety, and is most assurredly a control freak with codependent overtones: He (or she) is not inclined to want you to become independent: Overstep your authority, and they can become very unpleasant.
And don’t even think of challenging their decisions. Or of coming up with your own.
The unfortunate crew of this type of chef stays in a perpetual state of arrested development, and it’s no surprise that things completely fall apart when the chef is on vacation or is otherwise out of the office. Chances are the Sous Chefs don’t know how to place a food order, or who to call when the dish machine breaks down.
All of this makes the PS chef feel like they are desperately needed, while in reality, the mark of a good chef is how well the crew does when he or she is gone.
You may also find that the PS chef attends all departmental meetings alone, interfaces with the administrative staff alone, and generally prevents you from being “visible.” You may think you’re being protected and/or sheltered so you can get on with the very important work you’re doing, but in reality, you’re being made invisible to the very people who could support you during a management shake-up. This is very not good, especially if and when the chef leaves and you find yourself working for someone new.
Switching from one type of chef to another is hellish. It’s one thing to accept a job knowing that you’ve got a PS chef, and quite another to have one thrust upon you suddenly due to firing, resignation, or illness. Try to stay under the radar until you know what type of chef you’ve got. It can’t hurt to come right out and ask them how they want you to deal with problems: It shows your willingness to adapt. Don’t assume you know how this chef wants things handled, because you don’t. Doesn’t matter if you’ve always or never handled things, find out what this chef wants you to do.
Some chefs are happy to have people who are willing to step up to the plate and take on additional responsibility; others view it as you overstepping your authority, and their goal becomes to put you in your place.
“Overstepping your authority.”
How many times have I heard that?
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